Definitions

The last year between deciding to get divorced and actually having it be finalized by the judge today has been weird to navigate. What do I call him? He's technically still my husband, though purely in title and not in fact (as it's been for some time, honestly). Yet calling him my ex seemed premature. Especially since we've been nesting, and will continue to do so for a couple more months. When referencing him in relation to the kids, it was easier; I just called him "their dad." But from this day forward, he will be known as my ex-husband. One more tiny step in this monumental transition to the next phase of my life. While everyone goes through phases, some are easily defined and generic like childhood, adulthood, single, married, parent. Others are more personal, their edges blurred into one another with varying intensity like the feathering of a color gradient. As a child, the main differentiation for me was before and after my dad's heart attack. Before: meat and potatoes, butter, salt; after: chicken and fish, bland. There were others - my mom staying home with us and then returning to work; my transition from many sports and activities to focusing solely on dance. As an adult, being orphaned by my dad's passing in 2018 and losing my mom to Alzheimer's though she's still here physically. And of course now this new phase of being a divorcée. A word with such terrible connotations. Single-again - sounds like it's trying too hard not to be divorcée (which it is). Having to add terms to my vocabulary like mediator and parenting plan and maintenance (which is definitely worse than when it was called alimony). This is the beginning of my journey to redefine myself.